Tag: Boundaries
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Clarify Your Silence In the Name of Love by Michon Neal
Updated version. Previously appeared on Postmodern Woman. Are you one of those people who hates awkward silences? Do you feel like you have to fill in the quiet with something, anything? Have you ever dated or talked with someone who went silent and assumed they were bored, angry, or shutting you out? My longest term partner…
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Poly Advice for the Mentally Ill: “Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations”
I’ve written a fair bit about boundaries in the past. There is a fair bit of theoretical discussion in polyamory about the benefits of using boundaries or agreements in relationships. Theory aside, no matter which you use for relationships, we all have personal boundaries. For instance, many people have a boundary about respect in relationships.…
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When Polyamory Triggers Abuse
I have said before—and I stand by it—that polyamory is not abusive. Unfortunately, starting a polyamorous relationship, or opening up an existing relationship, can be a trigger for abuse. And if you’ve read about the roots of abuse, you know why. One of the causes of abuse is insecurity. Some people are insecure in their…
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Roots of Abuse: Intent, Insecurity, and Shitty Boundaries
In popular imagination, abusers are fully aware of what they are doing. They are horrid people who act with full intent to control and destroy the people they claim to love. A modern monster for a modern society. The reality of abuse is much more complicated. While some abusers make a conscious decision to abuse,…
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Polyamory Boundaries and Mental Illness
There’s a bit of a debate in poly circles about rules/agreements vs boundaries. Short version: Boundaries are personal–I will not date anyone who is anti-thiest. (I’m perfectly happy dating athiests, but if you are going to attack/belittle/look down on religions and religious people I am so fucking out of there.) Rules or agreements are relational–Michael…
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Hard Boundaries and Soft Boundaries
Hey folks, sorry for the much delayed post. My family moved on Friday to a new apartment, the first time we’ve had our own apartment in several years, and we finally got internet in today. I had planned on posting from the library during the move, but unfortunately due to the holiday here in the…