Category: Polyamory
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Roots of Abuse: Intent, Insecurity, and Shitty Boundaries
In popular imagination, abusers are fully aware of what they are doing. They are horrid people who act with full intent to control and destroy the people they claim to love. A modern monster for a modern society. The reality of abuse is much more complicated. While some abusers make a conscious decision to abuse,…
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Legal Options for Multi-Parent Polyamorous Families
(This blog post is based on my knowledge and experience in the US. My research suggests that the same general options apply in many parts of Europe and the Anglosphere. If you have knowledge of other countries, please share in the comments!) Our social and legal systems are set up on the assumption that a…
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Abuse, Boundaries, and Incompatibilities in Mono/Poly Relationships
A commenter on this blog recently mentioned their frustration with the way much of the writing about polyamory is by poly-folk, for poly-folk. This leaves monogamous people in mono/poly relationships in a difficult situation. I may at a later time attempt to go into a detailed discussion of mono/poly relationships. Today I want to at…
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When Your Kids Discover Your Closeted Polyamorous Relationship
(To keep things simple, this post has been written in terms of two parent households. The most of the same issues and choices will apply regardless of your family set up.) The big problem with being closeted is that you can be outed. While some folks managed to stay closeted for decades, that’s the exception…
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“There’s no right way to do polyamory!” (But there’re lots of wrong ways)
I mentioned last week that often good ideas or positive statements can become tools for abusers. Within polyamory, “There’s no right way to do poly” has become one of these tools. In theory, the idea that there is no right way to do poly is meant to be an affirmation. You don’t need to fit…
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Talking with Your Child’s Teacher (or other professional) about Polyamory
Going to Your Kid’s Professionals Sometimes you are going to need to approach your children’s teachers, doctors, and other adult figures in your kid’s life about polyamory. For instance: If your children have more than 2 parental figures who will be coming to parent-teacher conferences If you want one of your poly partner’s to be…
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Helping Our Kids Talk About Polyamory
In an ideal world, no one would be asking our kids about our relationships because private stuff is private stuff and grown-up stuff is grown up stuff. But as one of my favorite authors points out: “No thinking adult would ask a kid about this stuff, but that just means you’ll need to deal with…
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Types of Abuse
Abuse can take several forms, and being able to recognize abuse when it happens is the first step in addressing it. So today we are going to look at some types of abuse, and a couple examples of how they might occur in polyamorous relationships. Not everything here is always abusive. Yelling, for instance, is…
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Should You Tell Your Kids About Polyamory?
For polyamorous parents, choosing whether or not to let our kids know about our relationships is a major decision. There are pros and cons to both choices. I generally believe you are better off being open with your kids, unless there is some compelling reason not to. Other people will advise the opposite—don’t tell your…