Category: Polyamory
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The First Rule of Polyamory Etiquette: Don’t Be Afraid to Ask
Next week we’ll start on tips and guidelines for dealing with specific situations. For now, I want to address an important point that is more important than anything else I will say about etiquette. When it comes to social situations involving your poly partners, or their poly partners, don’t be afraid to ask. “How would…
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Everyone’s Safe Sex Definition is Different
A few weeks ago, I said that safe sex is like safe driving. You do your best to keep yourself safe and take reasonable precautions, but there are no guaranteeing. Sex is like driving in another way. Some people are comfortable driving in Le Mans and the Indie 500, some won’t go over 55 mph…
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The Polyamory Etiquette Guide
Time for a new topic*, and this one is a doozy. We’re going to be talking about polyamory etiquette. Basic courtesy is always in fashion, but a lot of the cultural customs go flying out the window when you introduce new types of relationships. And etiquette is basically cultural customs for dealing with other people.…
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Abuse in Polyamory Wrap Up
We’ve had nearly 5 months now looking at abuse in polyamorous relationships. Everything from what is abuse to types of abuse to salvaging or surviving an abusive relationship. It’s time to wrap this topic up. Starting next week I’ll return to the series on mental illness and polyamory. You can find the full list of…
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Surviving an Abusive Relationship
Last week I talked about salvaging an abusive relationship. Sometimes you don’t want to save a relationship, but you can’t get out. There can be lots of reasons for this. When it happens, you can only survive as best you can while slowly building the resources that will let you escape. Here are some tips…
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Salvaging an Abusive Relationship
Standard advice when you realize you are in an abusive relationship is to get out. But most of us, wisely or not, want to try to save our relationships. We love our partners, we believe they love us, and there’s probably a fair bit of sunk cost fallacy at play as well. Whatever the reason,…
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Fluid Bonding and Safe Sex
Fluid bonding is a common term in polyamory safe sex discussions. Fluid bonding commonly means having sex without a condom or other barrier method. The idea being that your fluids are mingling and joining together. In hierarchical poly relationships, fluid bonding it usually reserved for the primary couple or group. In egalitarian or solo poly…
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Face It: We’ve All Got Baggage
I’m delving a bit more into dating advice than I’m really comfortable with today, but there’s an issue I’ve skirted around in a few places that recently smacked me between the eyes. And I’m calling bullshit. A common trope of polyamory is the desire for “drama-free” relationships. The desire to avoid partners with lots of…
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Am I Abusing my Polyamorous Partners?
Maybe someone has accused you of being abusive. Maybe you’ve been reading along and started to recognize some things I’ve been describing. For whatever reason, you’re wondering if you may be the bad guy in your relationship(s). First off, major kudos for being willing to ask. Western culture tends to portray abusers as irredeemable monsters…
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When polyamory is a tool for abuse
When polyamory is a tool for abuse We’ve all seen or heard examples of monogamy being used as a tool for abuse. From the idea that a spouse is “owed” sex to forcing a partner to stop seeing their friends, the ways monogamy can be used by abusers are well known, if rarely openly acknowledged.…