Category: Polyamory
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When Communication is a Bad Thing
I’m amused by the first line of this post. I’ve realized over the years that actually, 90% of what I do is give relationship advice. It’s just a broader variety of relationship advice than you’ll find in books and blogs that are focused on ‘fixing’ relationships or how to have a healthy relationship. Major change…
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Partner Preferences
Minor edits here. I think my space bar was broken when I wrote this because SO MANY extra spaces. Sadly, Matt Bullen stopped writing his blog (or possibly moved it without a forwarding address) a few years ago, but you can still find him on Facebook and Twitter if you look. Revised 2/10/2017. Giving a…
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Clarify Your Silence In the Name of Love by Michon Neal
Updated version. Previously appeared on Postmodern Woman. Are you one of those people who hates awkward silences? Do you feel like you have to fill in the quiet with something, anything? Have you ever dated or talked with someone who went silent and assumed they were bored, angry, or shutting you out? My longest term partner…
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Moving In Together
The original version of this post really reflected some of my old assumptions about the “norm” in polyamory. Hopefully I’ve managed to clean all of that up. Polyamory is complicated and everyone does it differently. Revised 1/11/2017 A couple posts back I mentioned that if someone in a polyam relationship gets pregnant, people who had…
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Random Babble Post – For the Children
I fixed some typos, otherwise I’m letting this stand, bad grammar and all. Since I first wrote this I have seen many polyam families navigate healthy endings to relationships between polyam partners and children. But I think the central point here stands. Don’t forcibly sever your or your partner’s parental relationship with children in the…
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Polyamory Sleeping Arrangements
Some fairly major changes here. Revised to include separate sections for solo, couple, and group living, and get away from the previous focus on group living. Actually, most of this is excepted from an early draft of The Polyamorous Home. Updated 11/25/16 On the surface, this is more for the polycules who live together. However,…
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Polyamory: Who Pays for Dates?
This isn’t a poly thing so much as a dating thing. But it comes up enough I wanted to tackle it here. In “traditional” American dating, the man asked the woman and the man paid for the date. As social mores have changed, the issue has become confused. Some people “go dutch” with both people…
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Poly Advice for the Mentally Ill: Avoid the Drama Triangle
Standard poly advice: The drama triangle is bad. If you aren’t familiar with it, the drama triangle goes like this: Ashely, Brenda and Charlene are part of the same polycule. Charlene does something that upsets Brenda. Brenda to Ashley: Charlene did x and I’m so upset! Ashley to Charlene: Brenda is really upset because you…
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Telling a Date You Are Polyamorous
One of the major hassles of being poly is finding other poly folk to date. Some of us only date through local poly groups or online, where we can be sure our date is poly friendly. Some of us can be more comfortable diving into the local dating pool. But when you are dating someone…