Category: Mental Health
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Poly Advice for the Mentally Ill: Avoid the Drama Triangle
Standard poly advice: The drama triangle is bad. If you aren’t familiar with it, the drama triangle goes like this: Ashely, Brenda and Charlene are part of the same polycule. Charlene does something that upsets Brenda. Brenda to Ashley: Charlene did x and I’m so upset! Ashley to Charlene: Brenda is really upset because you…
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Your Polycule Isn’t Your Relationship Counselor
There is a reason marriage counseling is a thing. Sometimes you and your partner(s) need help understanding each other and working through problems. Mental illness can increase the (actual or perceived) lack of understanding as well as clashes of personality and/or communications styles. Many people will turn to friends or family to help them sort…
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Poly Advice for the Mentally Ill: You Need Talk about Problems
Standard Poly Advice: You need to talk about problems I have no objection to this very important advice. The problem comes in when people hear this advice as meaning “You need to talk about problems RIGHT AWAY.” Someone in the middle of a mental health crisis is probably going to be behaving or speaking in…
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Poly Advice for the Mentally Ill: “You Control Your Emotions”
Standard Poly Advice: “You Control Your Emotions” (or sometimes “You can’t control your emotions, but you can always control your actions.) Bullshit. You don’t have to be mentally ill to lost control of yourself–either your emotions or your actions. You can be high on pain meds, you can so stressed or exhausted you aren’t thinking…
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Poly Advice for the Mentally Ill: “Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations”
I’ve written a fair bit about boundaries in the past. There is a fair bit of theoretical discussion in polyamory about the benefits of using boundaries or agreements in relationships. Theory aside, no matter which you use for relationships, we all have personal boundaries. For instance, many people have a boundary about respect in relationships.…
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Mental Illness and Polyamory Recap
This blog series is already one of the longest I’ve written, and I’m about to add a bunch more information. So before we dive back in I decided it would be good to do a quick recap of the key points of the series so far. Educate Yourself If one of your poly partners suffers…
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Polyamory and Mental Illness, Part II
Okay, folks. After a much needed hiatus, I’m going back to tackling polyamory and mental illness. For those who are interested, the old polyamory and mental illness posts are below. Mental Illness: Monster or Myself My approach to mental illness frames it as something outside “who I am”. It is very similar to how I…
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Abuse and Mental Illness
Abuse or Mental Illness? In discussing mental illness, and specifically PTSD and other trauma-related disorders, I mentioned that some symptoms of mental illness can mimic abuse. I say mimic because while these symptoms may look the same as abuse, they are not about trying to control. Here’s a classic example: My partner has several mental…