Category: Communication
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Polya Relationship Expectations: Nothing for Granted
Updated version of a previously published article on Postmodern Woman. Up front and honest. Heard and understood. Let’s both (all) be right. No either-or thinking. Surface vs. Substance. No expectations. Humanity (individuality) first. No defaults. In all things, my values came (and still come) first. I didn’t grow up with stability or honesty or respect.…
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When Communication is a Bad Thing
I’m amused by the first line of this post. I’ve realized over the years that actually, 90% of what I do is give relationship advice. It’s just a broader variety of relationship advice than you’ll find in books and blogs that are focused on ‘fixing’ relationships or how to have a healthy relationship. Major change…
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Clarify Your Silence In the Name of Love by Michon Neal
Updated version. Previously appeared on Postmodern Woman. Are you one of those people who hates awkward silences? Do you feel like you have to fill in the quiet with something, anything? Have you ever dated or talked with someone who went silent and assumed they were bored, angry, or shutting you out? My longest term partner…
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Poly Advice for the Mentally Ill: Avoid the Drama Triangle
Standard poly advice: The drama triangle is bad. If you aren’t familiar with it, the drama triangle goes like this: Ashely, Brenda and Charlene are part of the same polycule. Charlene does something that upsets Brenda. Brenda to Ashley: Charlene did x and I’m so upset! Ashley to Charlene: Brenda is really upset because you…
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Telling a Date You Are Polyamorous
One of the major hassles of being poly is finding other poly folk to date. Some of us only date through local poly groups or online, where we can be sure our date is poly friendly. Some of us can be more comfortable diving into the local dating pool. But when you are dating someone…
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Your Polycule Isn’t Your Relationship Counselor
There is a reason marriage counseling is a thing. Sometimes you and your partner(s) need help understanding each other and working through problems. Mental illness can increase the (actual or perceived) lack of understanding as well as clashes of personality and/or communications styles. Many people will turn to friends or family to help them sort…
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Polyamory Etiquette: Informal Invitations
Last week we looked as best practices for addressing formal invitations to poly folk. This week we’re going to take a look at informal invitations. There are lots of types of informal invites. Everything from calling someone up “Hey, you want to come over?” to sending an email to inviting someone to an event on…
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Poly Advice for the Mentally Ill: You Need Talk about Problems
Standard Poly Advice: You need to talk about problems I have no objection to this very important advice. The problem comes in when people hear this advice as meaning “You need to talk about problems RIGHT AWAY.” Someone in the middle of a mental health crisis is probably going to be behaving or speaking in…
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Formal Invitations for Poly Folk
The nice thing about formal invitations is you are expected to list everyone who is invited. If someone’s name isn’t on there, they aren’t invited. This solves a lot of this “who is included?” of informal invitations. This post generally assumes you are issuing an invite to people who are out about being poly. If…
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Polyamory Etiquette: Let’s Talk Invitations
Invitations can range from, “hey, wanna come over and catch Jessica Jones?” to engraved vellum cardstock begging the “pleasure of your company” at a wedding or other major event. That’s formality. There’s another range for invitations: who’s invited. Usually, there is a set standard. You can invite one person. You can invite one person and…