Category: Abuse
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Abuse Culture Tips: Questions and Thoughts to Keep in Mind
Updated version of an article originally published on Medium. When it comes to abuse, there’s much confusion surrounding what to do, who to blame, etc. In polyamory, this can be further complicated by the amount of people involved and how they are involved. But never fear; there are some things to keep in mind no…
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The Polya Bystander: I Just Want to Be Left Alone
Updated version of the article first appearing on Postmodern Woman. If there’s one thing that helps keep polya people from experiencing discrimination like other minorities, it’s that there’s often some sense of privacy. For many people, they can practice their non-monogamy in relative peace. They can simply spend less time with any possible family that…
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Abuse in Polyamory Wrap Up
We’ve had nearly 5 months now looking at abuse in polyamorous relationships. Everything from what is abuse to types of abuse to salvaging or surviving an abusive relationship. It’s time to wrap this topic up. Starting next week I’ll return to the series on mental illness and polyamory. You can find the full list of…
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Surviving an Abusive Relationship
Last week I talked about salvaging an abusive relationship. Sometimes you don’t want to save a relationship, but you can’t get out. There can be lots of reasons for this. When it happens, you can only survive as best you can while slowly building the resources that will let you escape. Here are some tips…
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Salvaging an Abusive Relationship
Standard advice when you realize you are in an abusive relationship is to get out. But most of us, wisely or not, want to try to save our relationships. We love our partners, we believe they love us, and there’s probably a fair bit of sunk cost fallacy at play as well. Whatever the reason,…
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Am I Abusing my Polyamorous Partners?
Maybe someone has accused you of being abusive. Maybe you’ve been reading along and started to recognize some things I’ve been describing. For whatever reason, you’re wondering if you may be the bad guy in your relationship(s). First off, major kudos for being willing to ask. Western culture tends to portray abusers as irredeemable monsters…
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When polyamory is a tool for abuse
When polyamory is a tool for abuse We’ve all seen or heard examples of monogamy being used as a tool for abuse. From the idea that a spouse is “owed” sex to forcing a partner to stop seeing their friends, the ways monogamy can be used by abusers are well known, if rarely openly acknowledged.…
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When Polyamory Triggers Abuse
I have said before—and I stand by it—that polyamory is not abusive. Unfortunately, starting a polyamorous relationship, or opening up an existing relationship, can be a trigger for abuse. And if you’ve read about the roots of abuse, you know why. One of the causes of abuse is insecurity. Some people are insecure in their…
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When Your Partner Is in an Abusive Relationship
As Liz shared in her guest post, watching a partner in an abusive relationship is horrid. It can create feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, do severe damage to your relationship, and, depending on how entwined you and your partner are, have a significant impact on your daily life. Many people, when they see someone they…
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Abuse Isn’t the Only Wrong Way to do Polyamory
Recently someone commented that by saying something wasn’t abusive, I made it sound like that behavior was automatically healthy and/or okay. I did not in anyway intend to give the impression that anything that isn’t abusive is healthy, and I am sorry that I wasn’t clearer. Let’s be blunt: abuse gets a lot of focus…