A few years ago, someone posted on a poly forum, seeking advice for a new MFM triad that was moving in together. They got a lot of good responses, advice about jealousy, communication skills and honestly, fairly standard poly stuff. Reading through it, I was scratching my head thinking “Wait a minute, they can find this information anywhere. And it applies to any poly relationship. What does a Triad that is living together for the first time really need to know about…? Socks!”
Yes, a new triad living together for the first time needs to know about socks. They need to be prepared for what a pain in the ass it is to try to sort out identical pairs of men socks for two different men. They need to know the tricks for figuring out whose laundry is whose when it all looks the same.
They need to know about constant shopping trips, because it is impossible to keep milk (or whatever your polycule’s drink of choice is) in the house when it gets all drunk up the same day you buy it.
They need to think about sleeping arrangements, and be aware that if a woman in the triad gets pregnant, by all that is holy she gets the god-damn outside of the bed!
I finally stopped myself when I put down two full screens of advice, all about the day-to-day craziness of more than 2 adults building a life together.
The response I got was amazing. People asked for more. I gave them more. Someone copied and pasted everything I ended up saying in that thread into a Word document. They said it came to over 10 pages of great advice that they’d never seen anywhere before. Sadly, I lost that word document in various computer changes, but it was awesome.
Nothing I said was world-shattering. It was almost all basic day-to-day shit. But it was shit no one else was talking about.
The idea of starting a blog about similar topics floated around in the back of my head for a few years. Because it was obvious that this was something people in polyamorous relationships wanted and needed to hear.
So many poly-folks say that polyamory isn’t just about the sex. That it’s about life and living and relationships. But somehow, all we ended up talking about is the sex, and managing the sex, and managing the jealousy, emotions, and problems that come with the sex.
I have nothing against sex. I rather like it actually, but for me very little of my life in polyamory has been spent on sex, or negotiating relationship agreements. While jealousy has been an issue sometimes, it’s never been the only issue. And all the jealousy, and conflict, and drama sure as hell got tossed aside when my metamour went into labor two months early.
Because real life comes first. That’s where Polyamory on Purpose originates, with real life. With living life purposefully. And with three strangers I will probably never meet, who made a purposeful decision to build a life together.
Where ever you guys are right now, thank you.