Category Archives: Resources

AMaP: How to Run an Online Workshop

Hey folks, a while back I shared information on the Accessible Multi-linking and Polyamory Virtual Conference (or AMaP for short). A number of people have told us that they are confused about how a virtual conference will work. To help give everyone an idea of what to expect, the rest of the AMaP team and I will be running events between now and November different aspects of the con.

Last week we ran a short workshop in Zoom, the video software will be using for con presentations and workshops. Our workshop was on “How to Run an Online Workshop”. If you are interested in either presenting or attending and want to see how online workshops and presentations can work, check it out here:

How to Run an Online Workshop

How To Empower Next Generation Media

Previously published on Postmodern Woman.

People don’t often learn best through classes, nonfiction, or lectures. And in a world in which education is becoming increasingly geared towards expanding entertainment, how do we ensure that our messages are getting through?

Plenty of marketers and advertisers will tell you to head for the heart. Many people don’t behave or think as rationally as they’d like to imagine they do. And regardless of my own proclivities, not many people enjoy researching and undergoing metanoia for fun. And while the goal of most media coming up now is to reap massive rewards by going commercial, I’ve never much been one for that path.

See, even though I regularly analyze all sorts of media my own medium right now is writing. While others imagine fame and fortune there will always be those few who instead concentrate on uplifting and expanding. Our entertainment can either give us the familiar dressed up in fancy packages or it can become a catalyst for allowing the sparks of life to shine bright. My stories are only the first medium that I plan to use to engage and awaken. They started off as writing but my goal is to bring them into reality. I have the way; it’s only a matter of time.

There are several ways to educate and entertain people, and they don’t always have to be separate. One of the most powerful ways that people have learned about better or different ways is through our artistic endeavors: our media. How many imaginations sparked, how many new possibilities realized, how many lives saved through art? We learn best by experience and by example. Yet our examples in media and entertainment are severely lacking.

I watched thousands of movies, read thousands of books, and listened to thousands of songs. Yet the things that would have most helped me, the things that would have most delighted me, the things that would have saved my life so much sooner were spread across different realms. I’d find a glimmer here, a peak there, a flash in the distance. And then I realized I wouldn’t find it all somewhere out there. No, like everything humanity requires most for its health, it is within that we find and process it.

So I sat down at age 12 and invented a new genre. One filled with absurdism and satire about all of the ideas that people took for granted like normality, amatonormativity, religion, mental states, physical capabilities, etc. Nothing is sacred in the cuilverse; I tore apart everything I came across, daring my imaginary future readers (likely simply variations of me) to question everything people believed was absolute.

Cuil fiction involves discussions of consent by those who span the scale of emotional intelligence. It involves non-monogamous configurations even the community has yet to acknowledge. It runs the gamut of the sexes, preferences, orientations, health, and races in intersectional ways that I’ve never seen anywhere else. It is cuil because, ironically, it depicts the variation and reality among humans that they deny or are ignorant of in real life.

There are no flat characters in the cuilverse; there are only dynamic people. The focus is on their relationships to themselves, others, and the world around them and not simply on how beautiful that plant in the corner is. They actually react to, change, and interact with the universe they inhabit. And while they do tend to break the fourth wall, you’ll find the science, philosophy, anatomy, and diversity is more real than people realize.

Our epic tales use to involve heroes who were extraordinary, who were unique, who were truly dynamic. But you can tell how much we’ve been swindled by the invention of the “everyman”. The myth of normal was invented and our media has been mostly mass-produced ever since. Even the artists who manage to create something unusual never follow it completely to its logical conclusion.

What I mean is that even when the world is completely different, that context rarely ever carries over to the characters who live in it. For the most part, the main character is a straight man, with rare exceptions for female or gay characters.

And even when supposedly diverse characters are used it is often a matter of tokenization or a tale of completely focused on that difference, rather than the inherent humanity or, you know, an adventure not based on their race, sex, gender, health status, etc.

And to date, there isn’t really any genre for non-monogamous people. Or rather, most poly books are nonfiction. There is some fiction that features polyamory and there are erotic pseudo-poly books. But none of these-the fiction or nonfiction-actually covers the full spectrum of humanity or non-monogamy. We’re left with promises of possibilities and only given the same examples over and over again, and with no in-depth awareness of the myriad intersections and experiences that exist. And they never get to the next step. As much as they talk about happily ever after everyone ends the story before it happens.

Sound familiar?

People keep decrying entertainment in general as being empty and geared towards consumption instead of integration and growth, the only options we’re given simply include more of the same. But complaining about it yet still paying for it just means you’re being a hypocrite.

We need to put the life back into art. And we need more diverse and realistic non-monogamous reflections in our media as well. As a member of the LGBT+ community, I can find a plethora of fiction and non-fiction books, movies, and music about people like me in that regard.

But as a non-monogamous person, as a person who values friendship and sensuality over romance, as someone who wants to see emotional intelligence, sapiosexuality, anatomically correct sex that doesn’t shy away from eroticsim and female agency and isn’t cheap and masturbatory either; as someone who wants things like rape, trauma, and vulnerability to be what they are instead of mere contrived fodder; as that person who craves a world that sees human before any other label; I see a gaping hole.

Each perspective I write is unique to whoever is currently having their experienceI know what it’s like to never be seen, to be constantly underestimated, misunderstood, marginalized, fetishized, and tokenized. I imbued my characters (alien and human alike) with more agency, honesty, freedom, and variation than many people ever grant themselves or others in real life.

That lack in real life needs to be changed if we are ever to move towards a fully consensual society. You see, consent requires knowledge, and when it comes to love, romance, sex, mental health, emotional intelligence, non-monogamy, and sexuality the majority of people are Jon fucking Snow (yes, even those who claim their non-monogamy is ethical still have a ways to go).The world needs media that isn’t just entertainment. We need transformative, immersive, integrated content. The world can be changed through art just as much as science. Art has been sorely lacking behind. Isn’t it about time we do something about it? Demand better, create better, acknowledge more, and embrace the unique.

For empowered content we need artists that are as focused on who their characters are as what they do. We need them to craft each person as carefully as they craft the rules of their universe. We need creators to show us heavens along with hells. No one at all is helped by saying, “At least we’re better than them. Thank goodness we don’t have their rotten luck!” We need maturity and self-worth in our icons more than we need pettiness and ignorance.

I mean, everyone keeps saying they want to make the world a better place. We want it be full of consent and diversity and healing. Isn’t it time our art actually showed us what that’s like?

Polyamory and Children: Research Update

List has been updated with more recent work by Dr. Elizabeth Sheff. I haven’t heard back from other researchers yet, but if I do I’ll add their newer work as well. A lot of the newer stuff is publicly available, so skip to the bottom if you want something you can read and don’t have access to academic journals. Updated April 6, 2017.

Being a bit lazy this week, though I hope this may be helpful to polyam parents. The Yahoo! PolyResearchers group recently compiled this list of studies covering polyamory/modern forms of non-monogamy and its impact on children. While it isn’t the easiest thing for a lay person to get access to academic journals (they tend to run expensive and not be carried in the local library), this list may be a resource for any professionals you deal with who are seeking to educated themselves on how your lifestyle may impact your children.

I have read very few of these myself, but the general discussion on the Yahoo! group indicated that no one there knew of any study which found any harm to children raised in ethically non-monogamous families.

Barker, Meg & Langdridge, Darren.  (2010).  Understanding Non-monogamies.  London: Routledge.

Pallotta-Chiarolli, Maria.  (2010).  Border Sexualities, Border Families in Schools.  Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.

Pallotta-Chiarolli, Maria (2006).  Polyparents Having Children, Raising Children, Schooling Children.  Lesbian and Gay Psychology Review, 7 (1), (March 2006), 48-53.

Pallotta-Chiarolli, Maria.  (2010).  To Pass, Border or Pollute: Polyfamilies Go to School.  In Meg Barker & Darren Langridge (Eds.), Understanding Non-Monogamies.  New York, NY: Routledge.

Pallotta-Chiarolli, Maria, Haydon, Peter; & Hunter, Anne.  (In press, 2012).  These Are Our Children: Polyamorous Parenting.  In Katherine Allen & Abbie Goldberg (Eds.), LGBT-Parent Families: Possibilities for New Research and Implications for Practice.  London: Springer.

Sheff, Elisabeth.  (2011).  Polyamorous Families, Same-Sex Marriage, and the Slippery Slope.  Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, 40 (5), (October 2011), 487-520,

Sheff, Elisabeth.  (2010).  Strategies in Polyamorous Parenting.  In Meg Barker & Darren Langridge (Eds.), Understanding Non-Monogamies.  London: Routledge.

Older studies:

Constantine, Larry L., & Constantine, Joan M.  (1976).  Treasures of the Island: Children in Alternative Families.  Beverly Hills, CA: Sage Publications.

Constantine, Larry L., & Constantine, Joan M.  Group Marriage: A Study of Contemporary Multilateral Marriage.  New York: Macmillan, 1973, pp. 148-162.

Constantine, Larry L.  (1977) Where are the kids? Children in Alternative Life Styles.  In Libby, Roger W., & Robert N. Whitehurst (Eds.), Marriage and Alternatives: Exploring Intimate Relationships (pp. 257-263).  Glenview, IL: Scott, Foresman & Co.

Johnston, C., & R. Deisher.  (1973).  Contemporary communal child rearing: a first analysis.  Pediatrics, 52(3), (September 1973), 319-326.

Salsburg, Sheldon (1973).  Is group marriage viable?  Journal of Sex Research 9(4), (November 1973), 325-333.

Weisner, T.S.  (1986).  Implementing New Relationship Styles in Conventional and Nonconventional American Families.  In Hartup, W., & Z. Rubin (Eds.), Relationships and Development (pp. 185-206).  New Jersey: LEA Press.

Weisner, T. S., & H. Garnier.  (1992).  Nonconventional family lifestyles and school achievement: A 12-year longitudinal study.  American Educational Research Journal 29(3), 605-632.

(Originally posted January 2012)

New Studies and Articles

(Unlike the original list, not all of these are peer reviewed. The ones that aren’t peer reviewed are more like to be available to anyone, so use them to inform yourself and your friends. The peer reviewed are harder to access, but can be very useful when dealing with medical or legal professionals who need “proof”.)

2016 Sheff, Elisabeth. When Someone you Love is Polyamorous. Portland, OR: Thorntree Press.

2016 Sheff, Elisabeth. “Resilient Polyamorous Families” in Critical Dimensions of Sex & Gender Diversity: Clinical Perspectivesedited by Karian, Previn.

2015 Sheff, Elisbeth. “Polyamorous Parenting” in The Sage Encyclopedia of LGBTQ Studies edited by Goldberg, Abbie. Thousand Oaks: Sage.

2015 Sheff, Elisabeth (Editor). Stories from the Polycule: Real Life in Polyamorous Families. Portland, OR: Thorntree Press.

2014 Sheff, Elisabeth. The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple Partner Relationships and Families. Lanham, MD: Rowman and Littlefield.

2013 Goldfeder, Mark and Sheff, Elisabeth. “Children in Polyamorous Families: A First Empirical Look,” The Journal of Law and Social Deviance.  Volume 5, pages 150 – 243. http://www.lsd-journal.net/archives/Volume5/ChildrenOfPolyamorousFamilies.pdf

2012 Sheff, Elisabeth. “Polyamory and Divorce” in Cultural Sociology of Divorce, an Encyclopedia, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

More Personal Stuff (and some resources)

As with last Thursday’s post, I’m mostly re-posting this one for the resources. CARAS and NCSF aren’t often able to assist polyam folk directly, but they have some good stuff for educating doctors, psychs, and other professionals you may be dealing with. Looking Through Us is sill up, it’s been on hiatus in recent months but I hope to see it become active again soon.  Obviously, I’m still a bit off schedule from March insanity. Hopefully I’ll be back on track by the end of the week. Updated April 2, 2017.

Hey all, sorry for disappearing like that. I got very caught up dealing with the custody case, which is now finished, even if the judge hasn’t given us a decision yet. (I hate waiting.)

I want to thank CARAS and NCSF for all the work they have done educating people about polyamory and alternate sexualities. My children have been seeing a therapist for the stress the custody mess has been causing them, and I had told her about my involvement in polyamory shortly before this mess went to court. She had no issue with the lifestyle, told me that my private choices were just that, and when she was subpoenaed  as a witness she told the judge and court that my ‘multiple relationships’ as the lawyer called it, were not in any way bad for my children.

I don’t know if the therapist learned of polyamory through CARAS or NCFS or not, but having the benefit of a medical professional working with my children who is accepting of polyamory has made me that much more aware of how important the work they do is.

I also want to give a shout out to Poly Anna of Looking Through.Us. I was very flattered by the review of this blog that she posted a few weeks ago (one of your favorites? Really?! – I don’t squee, but if I did, I would have). Poly Anna has an ‘Ask PolyAnna’ column on Looking Through.Us, a kind of ‘Dear Abby’ for poly and non-monogamy. She doesn’t get questions often, but when she does she tends to have good advice, and takes the time to go in depth in her answers.

I should be back (mostly) to my regular posting schedule starting on Thursday. I’m afraid the webcomic needs to go on hiatus for a while, because I lost the pen from the drawing tablet, and as bad as my artwork is with the tablet, it is absolutely atrocious using a mouse. As I am in the middle of a massive cleaning spree, I’m hopeful of finding the pen in the next few weeks and getting the comic going again.

(Originally posted December 2011)

“Talking to Kids about Polyamory” is Now Live!

Hey folks,

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I was invited to take part in the Talking to Kids about Sex interview series hosted by Anya Mayes. Unsurprisingly, Anya wanted me for my experience writing about polyamory. We had a fun time talking about how you can explain polyamory to kids, how to handle it if someone in your kid’s social circle is polyamorous, and a few other important things.

Well, that interview is live today, and you can get it free if you sign up here.

(Anya tells me the her interview with Dr. Eli Sheff is going up tomorrow. I don’t know what they talked about, but I’m looking forward to finding out!)

Text: The Talking to Kids About Sex interview series With your host, Anya Manes FREE VIDEO SERIES Keeping kids safe and whole as they learn who they are. Image: White woman with long dark brown hair, pink t-shirt, smiling, against a white background with blue-and-purple paint-spatter pattern behind series title and colored bars with remaining text on the bottom of the image.

The Triangular Theory of Love Isn’t Consummate

Updated version of article originally appearing here.

Aromantic and asexual-spectrum people often get left of out of the popular theories and convenient graphs about love, lust, and romance. The Triangular Theory of Love is no exception. Theories evolve over time as new information is uncovered. It would be nice one day to have more widespread knowledge out there about all of the possibilities and not merely those open to the chosen few. Aromantics and asexuals tend to get swept under the rug. Experiences that fall outside the romantic norm aren’t well understood and I doubt they’re well-documented. And the largest problem starts with the conflation of passion with limerance/infatuation, or what people most often refer to as New Relationship Energy.

The idea that someone can love someone intensely without feeling romantic or sexual, that someone can remain unbelievably excited about someone for longer than a few months, or that the passion can even grow over time is pretty much unheard of. So many people, whether mono or poly, talk about passion as something that’s like an addiction, that wears off with time, and that can only be felt at the beginning of a relationship. What does passionate nonromantic love look like? How is it different from both romantic passion and companionship? What would you even call it? And is it actually possible?

There has been a steady reintroduction of and recognition that there are more types of attraction than previously thought. Many people are familiar with romantic, emotional, and sexual attraction but may not be familiar with sensual attraction, aesthetic attraction (as opposed to mere aesthetic appreciation), and “intellectual” attraction. The Thinking Asexual has a lovely long list of terms and definitions for all sorts of experiences and identities if you need any explanations. Though they cover many types of attraction and relationship forms, there isn’t much out there to accurately describe enduring connections throughout the relationship, at least without using terms normally related to the most common understandings of commitment, intimacy, and passion.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m both demisexual and aromantic. I’m also noetisexual, which adds its own unique dimension to the ways I experience attraction, love, and passion. I don’t experience NRE and never have. Perhaps some of my long-lasting sexual and and sensual attraction is bound up with my extremely high sex drive and my highly sensual nature. I can only be affectionate, sensual, and sexual with people that I trust, with people that I have emotional intimacy with. There is also this absolutely wonderful comment by Joreth Innkeeper applicable to my experiences of attraction vs action; a summation of the fact that one doesn’t follow the other:

Just as action doesn’t follow from attraction, neither does one sort of love, emotion, or attraction automatically follow from any other. There are as many ways to connect and feel desire as there are people on the planet.

But today, I simply want to go over three types of love aromantic or asexual people (and some romantic and sexual people) may experience but that they may never have had a name for. The point is to expand our understanding about love, attraction, boundaries, and desire so that truly informed consent becomes the norm and not the assumption.

Many asexuals tend to avoid relationships with sexual people and many aromantics avoid hanging around romantic people because of these overly simplified explanations of love, lust, and the built-in assumptions of an end goal along the touch and relationship escalators. Until our experiences are made visible, romantic and sexual people will have problems creating consensual relationships (of any form) with aromantic and asexual people. I also hope that many aromantics and asexuals feel empowered and informed enough to make conscious decisions about how they want their relationships (of any form) to look and what they involve.

As I’ve written before, there are no defaults!

While these new terms are intended to be living terms, and others’ experiences may be different, I’d like to share the sorts of passion I experience and what that’s like.

  • The first is what I’d like to call ecstatic love. It’s like the opposite of existential terror. It’s like a deep, permeating existential joy that this person(s) exists. It’s deeper than friendship yet it’s not romantic and not sexual. It feels like being tickled by the notion of this person being alive right then and there. It may or may not fade with time. Often, there’s no accompanying outward sign. It’s just a feeling that underlies all of your interactions with others. It’s like the fierce love you feel for your child but it can be felt for those who aren’t (and without the protective or instinctive elements accompanying it).

 

  • The second I’d refer to as rapturous love. It’s like a slow-building wave. Where infatuation is often accompanied by extreme highs and lows and dissipates after a while, rapturous love grows and grows and grows. The more time passes, the more overwhelmed you feel. It’s a joy that keeps building on itself with time, a fullness and excitement that only increases as time passes. For me it makes me want to touch and/or fuck the person more and more, not less and less. The more time we spend together and the more I know you, the more I want you and enjoy you physically and emotionally.

 

  • That overlaps a bit with resonant love. This one is extremely intimate. It goes down to the core. It is the full recognition of another person as they truly are, with no assumptions, judgments, or deceptions. It is the Holy Moment: it can last for a glance or a lifetime. You are both deeply aware of one another; it’s as if your souls are naked and revealed, when two or more points of the same universal soul meet. I know that might sound a bit religious or spiritual but that’s not what I’m talking about. It can also simply be a meeting of minds: that special rhythm you get into when you both or all understand an idea or each other completely and entirely. If this were Doctor Who, it would be one of the fixed points in time, an absolute. The term brain orgasms also work for shorter holy moments, though it can last much longer.

Many people might only feel it for a moment here or there but it can actually be felt and experienced quite often, if not all of the time. But as the two men in that conversation say, it is not considered polite to have Holy Moments, and especially not with people who aren’t our romantic or sexual partners. We tend to shy away from them because they’re too raw, too honest, too revealing.

There is so much more to love, life, and connection than we’ve been led to believe. There are so many wonderful experiences without name or without recognition that haven’t been discussed. If we are to build our own lives and our own loves, if we are to choose freely what works best for us and our capabilities then we must make sure to actively engage with the evolving landscape. Passion doesn’t have to be limited to infatuation. It doesn’t have to fade with time. It doesn’t have to be romantic to be fulfilling. We are not all the same so why should our love be? We won’t gain a greater understanding unless we release our ideas from the concretes society would have us accept.


 

The Accessible Multi-linking and Polyamory Virtual Con

Last Fall, Michon Neal, Louisa Leontiades, and I were talking about how frustrated we were with not being able to get to any of the polyamory cons. Louisa because of living in Europe, Michon and I from a combination of money and chronic illness. Well, we decided if we couldn’t attend the conferences other people were putting on, we’d make our own.

So, AMaP was born. We’ve spent the past several months putting plans together, finding the necessary tech to host a virtual con and all the other little details. We recently recruited Cassandra Perry, who has experience with accessibility tech, to help us make the con as accessible to people with visual and hearing impairments as possible given technology and budget. We still have a lot of work to do, but we’re ready to announce our plans to the world. So here it is:

The Accessible Multi-linking and Polyamory Virtual Con

A conference for and about multi-linking and polyamory that anyone with a phone or internet access can attend.
A conference that will have a strong focus on diversity and on how disability, poverty, race, and other intersections affect our relationships and lifestyles.
A conference where you can be keep your privacy and still participate, because no one will see your face or hear your voice unless YOU want them too.

The conference will be running November 3-5. Tickets will go on sale over the summer.

Sign up to our mailing list for updates on the con and information on being a presenter or volunteer.

AMaP Mailing List

* indicates required


What’s this ‘multi-linking’ thing you keep talking about?

Thanks for asking!
Michon, Louisa and I wanted this con to be welcoming to everyone who is or wants to be intimately connected to more than one person. We didn’t want to use “non-monogamy” because that’s continuing to define ourselves by what we aren’t. So we decided to come up with a term that defined us by what we are.
As they say in Britain, we settled on multi-linking because it “does what is says on the tin.” Linking—connecting or relating, multi—many. Having many connections or relationships. Romantic, aromantic, kinky, sexual, asexual, platonic lifebonded, temporary or life long, if you intimately connect, however you choose to define those connections, with many people, there is room for you in the multi-linking umbrella.

The official definition:

Multi-linking—(n)
from multi (many) + linking (connecting, relating)
the personal quality or practice of co-creating or wanting to co-create intimate connections with multiple people. Connections may be romantic, aromantic, sexual, asexual, platonic, kinky, or take other forms of intimacy. Connections can last a few hours or a lifetime. The nature of connections are determined only by the individuals who are connected.
“I prefer multi-linking to monogamy. I like to have lots of different relationships and intimacies.”

Multi-link—(v) to intimately connect with multiple people. Connections may be romantic, aromantic, sexual, asexual, platonic, kinky, or take other forms of intimacy. Connections can last a few hours or a lifetime. The number and nature of connections are determined only by the individuals who are connected.
“I multi-link. Right now I’m partners with Dan, nesting with Gloria and sub to Jesse. There are also several people I don’t have defined links with, but who are part of my chosen family.”

Link—(n) an intimate connection with another person. Connections may be romantic, aromantic, sexual, asexual, platonic, kinky, or take other forms of intimacy. Connections can last a few hours or a lifetime. The number and nature of connections are determined only by the individuals who are connected.
“I prefer having one stable long term link and lots of fun and exciting short term links. My friend Jen wants to find several people to link with for long term.”

Mutli-linking—(adj) of or relating to multi-linking (n).
“Our multi-linking Facebook group is usually pretty active.”

Your Turn:

What would you like to see in an online con dedicated to diversity and accessibility?

Comment below or message me privately.

The Polyamorous Home out in ebook!

The Polyamorous Home by Jess MahlerHey folks, it’s official. The Polyamorous Home is now available in ebook at Amazon and other online retailers.

Some technical glitches have delayed the paperback, but expect it later this week.

Polyamorous relationships challenge the way mainstream society expects people to live. Mainstream assumptions about who sleeps where, how a family manages their money, and even who lives together, fail before the sheer variety of ways polyam folks build our relationships.

The Polyamorous Home is practical a guide for polyam folk on creating homes and living situations that suit our lives and our relationships. Whether you live alone or with a dozen of your partners, friends, and family, you can create a home life that works for you.

Alternative living arrangements
Budgeting for dates
Moving in together
Sleeping arrangements
Holidays
Prioritizing the individual or the community
And more…

Going Forward

I know the posting and everything kind of went to hell the last few months as I finalized getting The Polyamorous Home together. I expect to be more on the ball going forward, with regular posts Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday. Thanks for your patience while I dealt with both this book and release and various personal upheavals.

I’ve also managed to get a start on the next book in the Polyamory on Purpose Guide series. I’m currently about 13,000 words into the first draft of Safer Sex for the Non-Monogamous. Check out my Patreon campaign for irregular updates and early access.

Polyamory Fics with Asian Characters

Honor Harrington series, by David Weber. Military sci-fi series set in the far future. Weber has created a series where no one talks about or cares about race as we think of it today. (The big “racial” divide in Weber’s universe is between “normal” people are and “genies” or people who have been genetically modified.) However Weber does detailed character descriptions for most of his characters, and based on those descriptions I (and other Weber’s I know) read Honor as mixed race with a significant percentage of Chinese ancestry. (This is actually more based on Honor’s mother’s description than Honor herself, but it’s also subjective until/unless Weber decides to make a big deal about it.) The polyamory in this series comes in fairly late. First we get introduced to Grayson, an entire world of patriarchal polygynists where we see that even though the patriarchy part is fucked up, yes, these relationships can be built on love. (Much) later, Honor takes what she learns from her friends on Grayson and applies it to her own life—though not without a lot of heartache along the way.

The Colds, by Michon Neal. Davis is half Mexican, half Chinese. Michon tends to write complicated polyam networks, do a good option if you want something other than the endless couple+1 and triads of most polyam fiction.

Grand Central Arena series, by Ryk Spoor. I’m cheating here. There is no polyam in GSA—yet. Ryk has been hinting as a polyam relationship since book one, book three is coming out soon and what started as a possible triad has…complicated itself as more characters are introduced and developed feelings for each other. Word of God is book four will finally bring the characters together in a polyam relationship. Ryk said “traid+” so it might be (hopefully will be) delightfully complicated. Sadly, unless sales pick up a LOT Ryk’s publisher won’t contract for book four. He’s considering self publishing. GSA is sci-fi a la the over-the-top insanity of the so-called Golden Age, but without most of the problems of Golden Age SF. One of the characters in the initial love triangle is half Japanese. (Also, major props for a series with a healthy love triangle. It’s possible, people!)

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, by Robert Heinlein. Before falling in with Manny and his family, Wyo was in a triad with two Chinese men.

This post is part of the Minority Representation in Polyamory Fics & Pics blog series. If you know any other fic with Asian characters in polyam relationships, please leave a comment!

Polyamory Fics with Hispanic Characters

Double the Risk by Samantha Cato. Two cops–partners–fall for the new medical examiner. Nice bonus ATM–series is about a family of cops trying to expose corruption in the Boston PD. (CN for the rest of the series–the 3rd book has some heavy transphobia.)

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Robert Heinlein. Polyamory classic.

The Feeling Is Multiplied bio-fictional webcomic by Blue Crow, Marco Padilla, and Matt J. Rainwater. First strip. Awesome webcomic. I wish they’d update their navigation.

After You by Ophelia Bell. I’m iffy on this one. Short story, three-way sex, established couple has a three-way with someone they are both attracted to. Normally I wouldn’t tag it polyam, but reviewers say the story ends with all three in love with each other. And Bell has written at least on other polyam story (Dragon’s Melody).

The Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk. Post apocalyptic story with both utopian and dystopian societies. On the Goodreads Polyamory in Fiction list and has Hispanic characters.

Mother of Demons by Eric Flint. Polyam relationship is very much in the background, but it’s there.

The Allison Dutch Series by Michon Neal. And many of Michon’s other books.